Ever had someone make a little comment that stung—something subtle, but enough to leave you feeling small? Or had someone offer unsolicited advice that, instead of being helpful, just made you feel worse?
It happens more than we realize. There are the ones who take little jabs, masking criticism as a joke. The ones who pride themselves on being “blunt” but really just enjoy knocking others down. And then there are the “helpers”—the ones who jump in with advice you never asked for, not stopping to consider if it’s actually what you need.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling more frustrated than supported, you’re not crazy for noticing it. And if you’ve ever ignored it just to keep the peace, you’re not alone.
Why We Attract These People
But here’s something to sit with: sometimes the friends we attract are just archetypes of what we grew up with. If you had to tiptoe around someone’s moods, prove your worth, or constantly feel unseen as a kid, you might unconsciously find yourself around people who make you feel the same way as an adult. Not because you deserve it, but because it’s familiar.
The good news? You don’t have to entertain it anymore.
Next time someone makes a snide remark or gives advice you didn’t ask for, pause before brushing it off. You don’t have to explain yourself, you don’t have to prove them wrong, and you don’t have to shrink yourself just to keep the conversation smooth.
Some people won’t ever stop to ask themselves, “Is what I’m saying actually helpful?” But you can stop to ask yourself, “Is this someone I actually want in my space?”
You deserve friends who leave you feeling heard, not ones who leave you questioning yourself.
What to Do About It
If someone makes you feel small, angry, frustrated, or just bad about yourself, that feeling is real and valid. Sure, it might point to something deeper (you’ve probably heard the word trigger, it’s trendy word and a pretty annoying one at that), …but at the end of the day, these emotional responses to these types of actions from others are just normal human reactions.
If you express your hurt and they turn it back on you—saying things like, “That’s your trigger, you need to heal,” or “I’m not responsible for your triggers”—that’s not accountability. That’s deflection.
Honesty is great. But let’s be real—people know when they’re being hurtful. If they refuse to be mindful of how they speak to you, if they never take responsibility, then they don’t actually care.
And if they don’t care, they’re not your friend.
Know your worth, walk away.